Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
