i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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