you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
