You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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