I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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