God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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