That's intense
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
