I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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