Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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