He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
