Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
