I've blown a few things in my day
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
