the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
