I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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