Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
