Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
