Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
