I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
