the only muscles i have these days is kegels
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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