If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
