Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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