i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
