Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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