you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
