I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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