Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
