Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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