i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
