Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
