It's just like the Real World with babies
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
