why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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