No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
is it fun? or sober?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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