i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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