This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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