apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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