The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
