He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
