Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize