its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
