dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This can only be settled by a dance off.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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