He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
