How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
