That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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