He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
