i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize