you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
