This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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