I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
