I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
