My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
