Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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