just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
