She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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