please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
