There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
