dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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