DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
