i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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