Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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