I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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