Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize