3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Plan B is the new Plan A
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
