So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
