Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
