he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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