i need an iv and a liver transplant
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
