Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
