i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize