Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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