we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
