fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
