They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
