when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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