I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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