I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
