Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
