bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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