Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
