I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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