i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
