Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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