she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize